The Dice
by glockcourage
Summary: Summary. The dice meant everything to Han. It was Qi'ra's.
1. Chapter 1

****The Dice****

I see you kept my dice after all these years," Qi'ra, full of wonder in her tone, said to Han as he clutched 5-year old Ben's hand.

—oOo—

 _ _Days later__

Ben took the dice and played with it. He threw it to the wall several times already but it wouldn't break.

"Look at that, Han. Your son loves that dice," Leia said, "It's his favorite toy."

Ben threw it again, wondering why it wouldn't break.

—oOo—

Ben Solo was 10 when he wanted to take the millennium falcon for a ride.

He was careful lest somebody hears him...when he heard moaning coming from the cockpit.

He went to investigate, tip toeing.

Qi'ra, that woman who had smiled at his father years ago for keeping the dice, was kissing his father torridly, her legs spread wide open and Han trapped within them.

"I love you," she said, her breath rasping.

"I know," Han said, "And After all these years, I haven't forgotten."

Ben slowly got out of the falcon. For once grateful that his father wasn't force sensitive...for a burning anger raged in his chest.

—oOo—

"Why do you hate your father?" Rey asked.

Kylo Ren hesitated. He felt betrayed by Han but did he hate him? Anger flared in his chest then it dwindled to regret. "No, I don't hate him," he replied.

—oOo—

When Ben was 11, he saw Qi'ra again and asked her if she really loves his father.

And she said yes, claiming Han was the only light she could see in her darkness.

Qi'ra then took the light and plunged Ben in darkness.

For a while, Ben thought they could share Han but Qi'ra said that Han had known her for years. She was the one for him and if not for Ben they would be together.

"No, you're wrong!" scowled 11-year old Ben. "My dad loves my mom!"

"Because she makes him feel respectable but I give him passion," replied Qi'ra, "Have you not seen how we kiss?" she goaded.

That was when Ben realized that Qi'ra and probably even Han had seen him that fateful day in the falcon...And Han had never said a thing to him. Obviously, his father had made his choice clear.

—oOo—

Ben joined the dark side so he could split his family apart...to spare his mom knowing she was second best...because for him, she wasn't.

And because he hated the name Solo, he called himself Kylo Ren.

—oOo—

Rey closed the door between them.

Kylo, still kneeling, the dice in his hand when it too just disappeared from his grasp.

 _ _Did he finally succeeded in destroying the dice?__

No. The dice lived on. Just like what his dad felt for the woman who had it for three years.

—oOo—

~6 4 18 AF P Re-P 12 26 18~


	2. Chapter 2

****Roll the Dice****

Luke got close to the truth of Ben's secret. He then confronted Han.

Han answered, "Remember that time I asked you if you think a princess and a guy like me is possible? You should have said your _no_ more convincingly, then I wouldn't have made that bet with myself. I was challenged. I intended to seduce her. It wasn't hard she was just 18 and I was already 32. I already had all these experiences under my belt."

 _"Are you saying it was my fault?"_ Luke replied. "It wasn't a challenge. And I thought you were only on your twenties then."

"I'm not blaming you. I'm trying to make you understand. Qi'ra..." Han had that faraway look as he continued, "I met her again when Ben was 5. And when that happened, my memories of her came back and with them the feeling. Suddenly, I didn't feel so old. I felt younger...irresponsible."

"Han..." Luke hesitated to ask, "did you ever love my sister?"

Han tensed. "Of course."

"There's no _of course_ to it," snapped Luke. "I think it's best if I take Ben with me. I can train him to become a better jedi. My sister doesn't need to know the real reason for the blackness she can feel in Ben's heart."

—oOo—

"Why are my parents sending me away?" Ben asked.

Luke replied, "They want what's best for you."

" _No!_ That's not it," Ben sneered. "My dad is a weakling. He doesn't have the force."

"Ben, your father loves you."

" _No, he doesn't!_ How can he when I'm the person stopping him from going back to what he really loves—smuggling and his woman."

"Ben."

Ben turned his back.

Luke couldn't reach him. The damage was done.

—oOo—

~6 11 18AF re-P 12 27 18~


	3. Chapter 3

****The Dice Rolled Out****

There was a fork in the road. To assume that it was only a nightmare and Kylo would wake up from it or to accept it as his reality.

His father betrayed him and his mom.

Then his mom let him go.

Then now his uncle tried to kill him.

The fork in the road, to save his life or to end it.

The fork in the road, to put blood on his hand or to spill his blood.

The fork in the road, to grab his right to live or to throw away his life.

The fork in the road, to go towards the light or to embrace the darkness.

He choose the light. He raised his hand and killed the man who tried to kill him.

They were all murderers. He must kill them all.

He must disregard people's feelings the way his father disregarded his.

He must eradicate people with no second thoughts the way his mother didn't even have second thoughts in banishing him.

He must kill the way his uncle taught him to wield the lightsaber.

—oOo—

Han left his wife when his kid chose a path they couldn't follow.

Qi'ra was waiting for him.

Han's heart felt heavy when it was supposed to feel free.

 _ _What had he done?__

—oOo—

~P6 14 18 AF re-P 12 27 18~


	4. Chapter 4

****The Dice Rolled Again****

"Dad said that he was almost eaten by a squid/octopus/polypeds once. I did not believe him. He makes up shitty stories."

"So when dad said he loves me...that he will always love me….I didn't believe him either."

"Mom said they were almost eaten by a huge space worm once. I believed her. She tells me the truth."

"So when she told me that I should stay with uncle Luke...that it was for the best…I believed her, that it was the best to for me to go away."

—oOo—

"I believed when my parents said they'll come back for me...But they didn't...they didn't say that. As a kid, I just imagined it."

"Kylo...if you say that Ben will come back…should I believe you? Or I just imagined that Ben will come back...to me so I won't feel lonely again?"

—oOo—

~6 26 18 AF re-P 12 27 18~


	5. Chapter 5

****The Goddess of Luck Smiled on The Dice****

Lando took two cards from the top of the deck and put each one face down on the table then his fingers tapped on one then the other. "If this card is Leia and this card is Qi'ra, remember you can just choose one, you can only have one, who will you choose, Han?"

Han hesitated.

"Let's make it easier for you. Say whoever you didn't choose, dies. Who shall it be then, Han?"

"Leia can save herself," Han answered, "Qi'ra can adapt."

"They don't need you to choose, is that what you're saying?"

Han nodded his head.

"But I'm not asking them to go save themselves." Lando laughed. "I'm asking you, who will you save if such a situation arises. I want to know, I'm curious since I've met them both."

"Qi'ra," Han answered, "For once, I want to save her."

Lando slipped the Leia card back into the middle of the card stack without turning it face up.

"Hey, you didn't show me that card," Han complained.

" _Why?_ Did you want to know if you've just discarded the winning card?" Lando raised a brow. "That would be cheating."

—oOo—

~6 26 18AF re-P 12 27 18~


	6. Chapter 6

****The Dice Last...****

Chewie gave the dice to general Leia and Leia put the dice on top of Han's tombstone. No, they were not able to retrieved his body. The tomb was more of a symbol than anything else.

The next day, when Leia went to visit the memorial where Han's name was forever written and remembered, she saw a woman in her mid twenties with brown hair. That beautiful, young woman took the dice and replaced it with a jacket—Han's old, tattered jacket.

Leia stood still. She knows. She has always known.

Leia stared at her. Chewie must have told about this place to Han's other kid. The younger woman looks just like her mother Qi'ra.

Leia turned away from the scene. Han only came back for his son. And in so doing, he left behind his daughter.

Leia took the first step to get away. For this time, she choose to retreat than to fight.

In the end, could she say that Han chose his son over his daughter? _Maybe..._

At least now, the dice was returned to its rightful owner.

—oOo—

~6 27 18 AF re-P 12 27 18~


	7. Chapter 7

****The Dice. Tearing the Last One Apart.****

Kylo could feel it even with the distance that separated them. His mother's heart being ripped apart. He closed his eyes, feeling her pain. He wanted for her to never know about Han's other family but she did know. All these years, Leia did know. Kylo's sacrifices were for naught.

It was time to go home.

Kylo then insidiously destroyed the First Order from the inside.

It took him months of careful manipulation, of acting as the leader whose orders always ended up in failure.

Kylo was almost home, the first Order almost eradicated when finally he stood again before Rey.

"Rey," he said, a smile twisting his lips. "Do it."

"I can't," Rey said.

"I'm still the Supreme Leader. Do it!" Kylo shouted.

"Don't you see, Ben? I don't have to."

 _"No!_ I killed my father and all those people," growled Kylo. _"You have to!_ It's the only way I can return to my mother. I just want to go home."

"You can't go home if you're dead, Kylo!"

"Please, Rey," Kylo begged.

Rey closed her eyes trying to communicate with Leia. And Leia answered. Rey then raised her light saber and pierced Kylo in his chest.

With his death coming, Kylo said, "Thank you. I paid with my life for my crimes. It may not be enough for my mom...but it would lessen her guilt for having me as her son so thank you Rey."

"Your sister has the dice. Leia has given it back to her." Rey's tears pooled from her eyes and then the moisture started to fall. "Leai has no one now."

"Not true," Kylo replied, blood squirting from his mouth. "She has you and my child," Kylo then touched Rey's stomach. "Thank you for giving your self to me."

Rey closed her eyes. How could Kylo be sure they have procreated when it was just a while ago that their bodies were joined? "I might not be pregnant."

Kylo smiled. "Then you'll be enough. Leia is your mother now. Take care of her."

"You never love me. You wouldn't leave if you did…"

"The people will rejoice and you will be their hero."

Rey cried as more blood left Kylo's chest.

Then she felt it. He was gone then his body too was gone.

Then Rey opened her eyes.

It was just a dream.

She was lying in bed. Tears flowed from her eyes as she caressed the bump on her tummy.

—oOo—

~11 18 18 AF re-P 12 27 18~


End file.
